Saturday, 7 September 2013


Well then, here I am on a brand spankin' new blog! For a little while now I've been thinking about setting up somewhere to blog especially about my adventures as an aspiring writer, and I guess this is the place.

So, about me. My name is Kelza, I write stuff and I draw quite a bit as well. I'm currently owned by eight pet rats who I adore and scream about quite often over on my Tumblr. I participate in NaNoWriMo as often as I can, and this year, I'm hoping to take part again by adding another 100k to my main project, The Great Couch Happening of '69. I've attempted to write books before (have been trying since I was about thirteen, in fact), but this is the one – the one I want to actually publish. I've inserted a (hopefully) delightful blurb at the end of this post.

I'm from Northern Ireland but live in the North West of England, which is why I have a really weird Mid-Ulster/Lancashire hybrid accent, and spend most of my time when I'm not failing to write words I'm usually covered in rats, making cups of tea, swooning about progressive rock musicians or having a bath. I can talk to small rodents, and I'm quite famous around these parts for being not famous whatsoever. If you play chess with me, you are certain to win. If you say my name into the mirror three times I'll probably come round with pizza and watch Disney movies with you while cracking terrible puns that will make you hate me forever.

The Great Couch Happening of '69 – A Travesty by Kelza Pilkington

It's 1969, and Brian 'Lazuli' Spencer is having the worst time of his life. He's been kicked out of his house, his friends are leading exciting lives while he sits behind the counter in his uncle's record store, and to top it off, his tent has been stolen, rendering him completely homeless.
When a local record company hears his demo and offers him a chance, Laz thinks he's got an opportunity to have the career he's always wanted – groupies, copious amounts of alcohol, heady, hallucinatory musical forays into the deepest reaches of the human psyche and experience. But when he seeks out the studio, it is to discover that they've gone bust. So now he's out of a job.
But he isn't alone. Local trio The Warlocks are looking for a new label, and a new guitarist. After drowning their sorrows at the local pub, Lazuli and his new friends stumble onto the land of the rich and reclusive Richard Grimshaw, who isn't too pleased with their arrival. And as they wait for the police to come and drag them away, they decide to search for loose change in the room that is their temporary prison. But one of the couches they search down is no ordinary couch. It contains an alternate reality, and to enter it would create a paradox that would smash together every reality in existence...

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