Writer of The Great Couch Happening of '69, eater of packet noodles. Terrible, isn't it?
Some say that she speaks in 14pt Times New Roman, and that keyboards everywhere live in fear that she will some day own them.
All we know is, she's called Kelza.
Born in [error 404: year not found] in the town of Town, in the nation of Country, she was raised by geese in a local park and brought up on bread and shopping trollies. On a whim she joined a band of Intergalactic Super Ninjas, followed the Philosophy of the Platypus and, using a cheese grater, grated her way to the top.
Boredom gives her headaches and she's prone to boredom itself. People call her the Rat Whisperer. She's also a fan of progressive rock.
She spends her time watching endless Top Gear, Stargate and Futurama re-runs. If she isn't in front of the telly she can usually be found sat at her desk, typing ten bells out of her keyboard. She traded her life in for a novel idea (one which she has been working on for several years) and fears she'll have to put her sanity on e-Bay to finish it.
Her theme song today is 'Lunatic's Lament', but it changes frequently. As does her favourite colour. Oh, and the shape of her nose, if you look very carefully.